Before I get started on this post, yes, I will totally point out that I am aware that I am inconsistent and random and haven't been posting teasers or world building Wednesdays.
That's just me and I can't exactly apologize for it. I do things in moods.
I have a pet spider. Yep. He's just sort of nested in my window between the sheets of glass and has woven many webs.
You see, I am one of those people who like totally believe that everything is connected to everything and there's meaning in all things; nothing is truly random. I mean, I get messages from the Universe on my receipts because I believe in this thing called ANGEL NUMBERS.
Fortune cookies? Yep. I love breaking those open (and getting to eat Chinese.) Pendulum? It swings for me all the time. Tarot cards? I spread those out. Runes? I cast them. Crystal ball? I'm getting there.
So what did I do when I realized this spider had found a home in my window? For starters, I let it stay there because I love spiders and creepy things and it's almost Halloween anyway so weave it be.
And then, in the middle of the night, and because I have insomnia most obviously, I Googled this lovely entry: The spiritual meaning of spiders.
What I ascertained from these articles was that the spider is all about being able to see past your fears. Some Key words were: determination, believing, creativity, manifestation, and dream-weaving. There was also a tid-bit on possibly having hidden or latent creative gifts. (Where are those?)
(You can click to read more about the Spider Totem.)
All of this resonated with me because I have been living in this great big circle of fear that I'm breaking out of. For weeks, I've felt nothing but dread as I approached my computer or notebook to write, and I've pushed through the fear of not accomplishing my goal, of writing poorly, of not being good enough, of not hitting the mark on what I've outlined for myself. (I have self-imposed book writing standards.)
Because I am determined. I am determined to finish this book series and make it as awesome and as readable as I possibly can. That's my ultimate goal.
It's been a little over a year now since I began rewriting Pretty in Black book one, and I've put tears, sweat, and blood into that book almost literally. It's gone through several drafts and revisions and I can pretty much point out every paragraph that it took me hours, HOURS, to write. I mean, I spent 3 hours writing a 91 word description of a cemetery gate because it was JUST. THAT. IMPORTANT to me because it's important to Marcus and Ellie—they're getting married in that cemetery and when that freaking beautiful iron-woven gate swings open on her wedding day, I am going to cry because that will mean I've made it, that I've finally made it to the final book and Evermore will be a thing, a book-thing that you will finally be able to read.
And before I wrote the description of that gate?—I dreamed of what it would look like for an entire MONTH and didn't write a single word. I had to put a generic sentence in its place and move on because nothing I was writing at the time did the vision in my head justice.
Maybe I am crazy or something for being so nit-picky about what I'm writing, I dunno. But I don't think I am.
As a reader, I know what I love. I LOVE beautifully wrought passages that give me pause and make me dream. I LOVE gorgeously woven sentences and on-point descriptions because those are the things that really make a story come alive and make it seem as though I am living inside of the book and experiencing everything instead of only hearing about what's happening.
I've paid careful attention to what makes me close a book—too much telling, not nearly enough description, (or bland/generic description) and lack of emotion. (I've been guilty of these things in the past, so I'm having to correct all of that.)
Emotion is everything.
I LOVE when emotions are described through actions and/or through how a character describes/interacts with the setting rather than the emotion being stated directly on the page, and I LOVE when an emotion is so strongly depicted that YOU can feel it too. And I LOVE the parts of a book that make your heart squeeze when you read them.
I LOVE books that have a tone/mood/atmosphere/setting that's so real you can just slip between the pages and feel everything, see everything, live everything. Without a properly described setting or mood/tone/atmosphere, a reader can't clearly experience the book, and that makes everything so frustrating. I know because I've been there and I don't like it. The setting/feeling of a book is the undertone which carries a story. For me, it's like the book's soundtrack.
So no. I can't just write the story down any old-fashioned way and then expect you to read it/like it/buy it/share it.
I have to write a book that I, myself, would want to read/fan-girl/tell a friend or ten about.
If it's crappy and I can't fall in love with it, then why the hell would I expect anyone else to? And I'm not in love with anything I've written and published previously. Well, except Eternally. I love that one but it needs a lot of touching up.
However, I am in love with the ideas that I originally had, and I'm making them better.
I'm aware that my previous writing wasn't so hot-to-trot in the beginning because I didn't know what I was doing, and I know more about what I'm doing now so all that's about to change.
(I wish I could give you an exciting new update on my progress but I can't because I'm disappointed in myself at the results right now.)
“Those who weave magic with the written word usually have this totem.”
That's what I hope I'm doing—weaving magick.
There have been days that I haven't wanted to get out of bed. I just want to sleep forever.
Because there's other things that have been stressing me out—like the book length.
“Don't write a 200,000 word book,” and yada, yada, blah, blah, blah.
Listen. In my opinion, some books only need to be 45,000 words and others need to be 200,000 or 300,000. So blast it already. The book will be exactly how and what it needs to be and nothing more or less.
So I was out and about and I just started seeing Unicorns everywhere. Okay, so not real ones, because how awesome would that be? Too awesome.
And I felt drawn toward them suddenly, like, I needed to have unicorn this and a unicorn that, and once again, I wanted to know why so I also looked up the meaning behind that too. Here is what I discovered.
It's all about transformation, and seeing possibilities. Believing in yourself, and the pursuit of dreams. The unicorn is a symbol for manifesting your dreams into a reality.
I bought a unicorn plushy and a necklace. The plush toy sits on my desk and travels with me wherever I go to write, and I wear the unicorn necklace whenever I am writing as a reminder to listen to my intuition.
I'll write what I believe in and follow my heart.
I believe in magic and love, and that's what all continue writing about, in all its messy, beautiful, and impossible forms.
LIVE UPDATE: November 5, 2016 3:31 a.m. Holy crap. I'm done with the second draft of Black Satin and I'm working on Raven in the Grave? Say what? I've come that far in a month? I had no idea . .